The Slow Lane

Today, Mom is maybe a little more alert than yesterday. She is still eating only a bite or a sip of something at meals and not much at other times. Sometimes she barely answers questions with yes or no, and other times she follows the conversation pretty well and even commented as I was putting on my coat, “That looks like a warm coat.” She still sleeps a lot and can be hard to wake up. She has answered the phone only one of the many times I have tried calling in the past 3 to 4 weeks. If someone leaves a message, we listen together when I’m there. Friday and Saturday she seemed more alert and we made a few calls to immediate family. They were not easy conversations for those on the other end, but she seemed pleased to have talked with them. Since then, she has not seemed up to talking on the phone at all. She is being pushed in her walker to the dining hall and back.

In my opinion, she is not doing as well as she was before Christmas, even on her best days. We are thankful for the days when she is a little more alert.

My visits for the last three days have been some of the best conversations with Mom I’ve had since Christmas. She responds appropriately to almost everything I say including some complete sentences and a few unprompted observations. Yesterday, she was willing to talk to Calvin on the phone, but thought she would wait until another time to make another call. Today, she was more tired and was falling asleep. Reports from friends and staff are that she is eating very little at meals. We’ll keep monitoring.

Wildlife update: After seeing 5 deer in the back yared on Sunday, I spotted 2 gray foxes that came across the street and into the back yard again near lunch time. I thought I was taking a picture, but the camera was on video and it is not going to show much detail. I watched the foxes briefly as they looked around for a way to go and watched one of them as it climbed over the fence. It sure seems strange, but pretty cool to see this much and variety of wildlife in our back yard.

Today is the first time in at least two weeks that I’ve had such a good conversation with Mom. When I got there, she was still in the dining room. I could not see evidence that she had eaten very much, maybe one bite of toast was missing. Sausage and eggs appeared to have been barely touched if at all. I got her to take another sip of coffee and she was ready to go back to her room. I asked if she wanted to try walking part of the way or if she needed a push. She said, “I think I’ll take a push.  Back in her room she was unsteady standing up and getting into her chair.

She smiled and looked pleasant, didn’t fall asleep on me, and generally seemed engaged, responding appropriately, often in complete sentences. Asked if she had any ideas about why she had felt so bad, she said, “I think I’m just lazy.” Another time I asked if her roommate was still visiting as much, and she said, “I’m just letting the world go by.”

What the future will be like is still unknown. Was today just an up day or might it be that future days will be like today? Recent days have ranged widely up and down. We hope for more of the good days.

Today, just before lunch, I called Mom and she answered. It wasn’t a long or deep conversation, but that is the first time in more than a week that she has answered my call. That was probably the 5th or 6th time I had tried today. She did answer some yes or no questions and said she was doing ok. When I wished her a good day, she said “Thank you”. While I don’t consider this to be a great or even normal conversation, relatively speaking, I was quite excited to have it. I hope there will be more, especially for the benefit of my siblings.

Today Mom was a little more talkative, but still limited to essentially yes or no answers, but those were appropriate indicating that she knew what she had heard. She went down to the dining room for breakfast, but was pushed in her walker. The report was that she ate only a little. I observed her at lunch. She drank a glass of juice and about half of her refill.  She ate one small bite of her hamburger, 4 potato chips and two bites of raw onion. I eventually put the bun together.  On the bun there was the hamburger, some ketchup, a tomato slice and 3 raw onion rings.  I got no answer when I asked if she wanted the onion rings, so I did not put them on her hamburger.  Yet she chose to pick up the onion rings and ate a bite of them twice. She stood with help from the dining table and walked in her walker to the hall and about twenty feet down the hall.  She stopped there at a chair and I asked her to sit in her walker and I pushed her on to the elevator and back to her room. She was tired and quickly fell asleep.

While eating lunch today, I looked up and saw these 5 deer in our back yard. They were there for at least 5 minutes and I got several photos and some video. The video I wanted to post is too big, so I have to figure out how to edit it. Maybe I’ll post it later.

As you can see in the photo, we still have snow and ice and the roads have not been scraped. So I have not been to Sunrise today. I’ve tried calling her a half dozen times and got no answer. I talked to a Care Manager this morning who said Mom went down to breakfast and was seen holding her glass and drinking juice. The CM thought she is doing better today and believed that she ate some breakfast.

It snowed overnight about 4 inches and then sleet fell all morning on top of that. As the weather has cooled to about 20 about nightfall, there is primarily an ice pack of 2-4 inches. Much of the snow melted from underneath because the ground was warm (it was 63 on Thursday) and the sleet has packed down on top. It has been very pretty as far as I’ve ventured (not outside the yard), but the roads are very icy and still covered.  DOT crews have gone home for the night and will be back about 7:00 AM. It is too cold for the salt to be effective. One report was that it could be Monday before the interstates and main roads are cleared and longer for back roads and side streets.

In the mountains, my neighbor reported about 9 inches all snow and very pretty.

I did not go see Mom today because of the weather. When I talked to her Care Manager this morning, I learned that Mom looked out the window to see the snow and said, “Whoa!” (or maybe “Wow!). She ate a small amount of her breakfast served in her room and drank her coffee. Otherwise, she is saying very little. They planned to get her to the dining room for lunch and dinner. I will check on her again tomorrow.

On Wednesday, L and I went to Como to visit with her brothers (We try to do this about once a month) and I did not visit Mom. I talked by phone with a staff person who reported no problems on the daily report and she had been down to breakfast.

On Thursday, I went after lunch. She was sleepy. I gave her a letter from Jean and a birthday card and package from Dwanda. She was barely able to read the mail even when I kept her awake. She seemed to be reading, but I was not convinced that she was actually reading, or if she understood what she was reading. She had little to say even when I asked about her birthday and told her who was there, etc. She did not verbally indicate that she remembered any of it.
Today, I went over and had the pictures from her birthday on my camera to show her. I waited to give her time to wake up a bit. When I asked if she wanted to see them, I got no verbal response and decided to show them to her anyway. She did go to sleep from time to time, and even when she was awake, gave no verbal response to the pictures or repeated questions such as: Who is this? Do you recognize anyone in this picture. So eventually, I would tell her who they were. She did give a half smile from time to time which showed me that she was recognizing some people. I tried zooming in to make the pictures clearer for her without much different response until I showed her a close-up of her and asked if she knew who that was. She said, “I don’t think I’ll claim that one.” I don’t remember any other verbal responses. She did not appear to be in pain or uncomfortable. It’s more like she may have been responding mentally without being aware that she did not actually say it. She had been down to breakfast, but I did not get a report on how much she ate. Sleeping seems to be her most comfortable activity.

She has been sleeping through the phone ringing when I’ve called and I assume that is true for others as well. That must be tough for my siblings who live far away and for whom the phone is their only direct link to her. I suggest that they continue to call and leave a message. That way I can play the message for her and she will get to hear your voice. Otherwise, a call to me or directly to Sunrise asking to speak to Mom’s care manager will get you a report.

Mom has been less responsive since her birthday. Communication has been about the same as on her birthday, and she has continued to eat very little with some meals being brought to her because she seemed too weak to go to the dining hall. One decision made yesterday with her doctor was to stop one medication and evaluate what her current baseline of symptoms may be in order to re-evaluate her medication need level. Another was to ask for a hospice evaluation. Hospice of Wake came this morning and evaluated the situation and concluded that she is not appropriate for hospice services at the present time. I can understand because dementia as a primary diagnosis is so unpredictable and today she was sufficiently mobile to go to the dining hall for breakfast and was there eating when I arrived. That level of mobility and the fact that she has not lost weight (was actually up 2 pounds from last week) does not fit the criteria for hospice. On the other hand, she is doing better today and we hope that will continue. We will continue to monitor the need for hospice in the future.

Mom’s picture was taken after eating lunch on her 91st birthday. She was not as alert as she had been Tuesday through Friday, but was much better than she was on Monday. We celebrated her birthday in the private dining room at Sunrise. Both of her sisters and both of her sisters-in-law were there for lunch along with two nieces, me and my wife. My two daughters and my three grandchildren arrived in time for chocolate birthday cake made by Mom’s sister.

The second picture is of her sisters and sisters-in-law.

The third picture is of Mom with her friend, Mae, who recently moved to Sunrise.

The last picture is of Mom with my three grandchildren (her great-grandchildren).  Responding to the children brought the most positive response of the celebration.  Otherwise, she had very little to say, ate very little and was too “full” even to eat a piece of her birthday cake.  After almost three hours of celebration she was completely tired out and needed help to get into her chair. 

I went back to visit this afternoon and she was in her chair, seemed to be comfortable, and when asked if she was still tired, said “No, I’m OK today.”  However, she seemed to have very little memory of her birthday and was unable to name the people who attended.  When I said she had a very good chocolate birthday cake and asked if she knew who made it, she said “Jean”.  Perhaps she’ll remember more another day.  If not, we’ll keep  telling her about it and that will please her. 

For the rest of us, Mom’s birthday celebration was more of a memorable and nice occasion.  It was great to be able to get this part of our family together on this special occasion and enjoy the time together.