The Slow Lane

When I went over after lunch today, Mom was quite perky and very enthusiastic about the help she got with her bath this morning from her Caremanager, Manorette. “She washed my hair and just helped me get a good bath all over including my feet. She was really good help and she seemed to enjoy helping me.”  I made a point to tell Manorette about Mom’s praise and to thank her myself.

While I was there, Libby, a member of Creedmoor Road Baptist church who includes Mom on her visitation list, came for a visit. Mom was enthusiastic about her new room and roommate and told her stories about her great grandchildren (most were fictitious). We also learned that Libby is a new grandmother.

Yesterday when I visited Mom in the morning, she and her roommate were downstairs participating in hymn singing and Bible study.

It’s great to see Mom being perky. I’m glad to give a good report.

Yesterday, was the day that Sunrise set for moving Mom to a new room.  Mom has shared a two-room residence since September last year.  Mom has rarely been happy with her roommate.  At first it seemed likely that she was getting used to having a roommate for the first time since my Dad died in 1988.  Mom’s dementia made the adjustment difficult and she had trouble getting used to having a roommate as well as being critical of her roommate and all the things Mom “had to put up with.”  A month or so ago, Mom’s doctor and I agreed that requesting a new roommate would be in Mom’s best interest.  The progression of dementia for both Mom and her roommate was creating more issues and more intense issues. 

When another room became available with a new roommate, it seemed like an opportunity to make things better for Mom all around.  First of all, Mom is in her new room which is the same choice of rooms that she had before.  We set up the room the same way it was in her old room and Mom agrees that it looks just like the old room “except for the curtains.”  (The curtains were already up and on a curtain rod attached to the wall.  Mom agreed that they looked nice and would be okay to leave.)

Mom visited her  friend, Mae, while we moved Mom’s things to her new room.  Dave (who works for Sunrise) helped with the furniture and Lucinda and I moved the other things.  We got everything moved in about two  hours, but it took longer to get everything put away and arranged.  Lucinda was there about 3.5 hours and I stayed around for about 8 hours.  Mom and I had a good visit with her new roommate and the roommate’s daughter.  Her new roommate also has dementia, but there are good indications that this will be a better situation for Mom. 

Mom is having some difficulty remembering that she has a new roommate and still makes comments that are typical of those she made about her previous roommate.  I’ve reminded Mom that her old roommate is no longer a problem, that Mom doesn’t have to deal with her any more or talk to her or even talk about her.  I always keep my siblings updated on what’s happening with Mom.  Dwanda called Mom after the move and reported that Mom seemed pleased with her new room and her new roommate.  Mom caught herself when she started to tell Dwanda about her old roommate and said “but that is in the past, I’m not going to talk about her.”  I always feel good when Mom seems to remember and apply something I’ve tried hard to help her understand.  This one was an important one and hopefully Mom will remember to think and act appropriately for her new room and rommmate.  With dementia, there is no guarantee.  However, I’ll go over today a couple of times and try to keep the focus on the positive side. 

Here is a picture of Mom before the move.  She is holding a “gingerbread” house that Jay, her great grandson made for her at school last Thanksgiving.  She has enjoyed it over and over and kept it on a table until now.  We discovered that it was getting sticky and so it did not make the move.

On Thursday, I picked up Mom from Sunrise and we met back at my house with her sister Jean and sisters-in-law, Gerry and Marjorie. Then we all drove down to Sampson County to visit with their sister, Lizzie, at Patricia’s house. As always, Patricia was a gracious host and served birthday cake, brownies, and roasted pecans for a wonderful snack. The birthday cake was for Marjorie’s birthday on July 8th and for Gerry’s birthday on July 10th.

It was a good day for all of us and for these sisters to visit together and feel those special ties that come from shared experiences from long ago as well as frequent visits over the years. There may have been less talking than at some previous visits, but there were obvious signs that the joy of being together was as strong as ever.  Jean brought a wonderful book that her children prepared for her recent birthday with lots of pictures and delightful captions for all of us to see and talk about. 

Perhaps the event can be summarized by the sentiments of birthday cards delivered to the birthday girls. One said that “birthdays are good for you. Those who have the most birthdays live the longest.” The other card showed a picture of a Fisher-Price telephone with “Ring. Ring. Your youth is calling…” and inside: “It’s long distance.”

Mom was away from Sunrise for 7 hours and two meals. She said several times, “It sure has been a good day!” Then she acknowledged that she was tired and would probably go to bed pretty soon.

We enjoyed having Aunt Jean and her family stop by for a visit while they were celebrating her birthday in the mountains.