The Slow Lane

Mom’s funeral was held on Thursday. Wednesday night was visitation at the funeral home. Family arrived throughout the week with some arriving late on Wednesday. Family, friends, neighbors, and church families have been generous with their support, prayers, food, and love for Mom and our family. We are so grateful to all. It has been most helpful to us.

We also wish to thank Sunrise At North Hills, Hospice of Wake County, Spring Branch Baptist Church, and Creedmoor Road Baptist Church for all the assistance they have provided this week and before.

We will go forward with strength and wonderful memories of Mom, her friends, our friends, and the love of our big family.

Mom died at 4:00 AM this morning. Hospice helped make her last days and hours comfortable. The staff at Sunrise were careful and concerned in working with Mom, Hospice and the family. Mom was always pleased at being at Sunrise and had many friends among staff and residents. Family and friends in Raleigh, Dunn, and Leasburg areas have been very special to Mom. I would like to thank all family and friends, the staff and residents at Sunrise, and her church families at Spring Branch Baptist Chiurch and Creedmoor Road Baptist Church.

The last two days have brought diminishing responses from Mom. Yesterday, her breathing was more difficult and she was restless. The on-call Hospice nurse came and confirmed that she needed to begin medication to make her more comfortable. She got her first doses last night and today it is obvious that she is resting more comfortably. It appears that her body is beginning to shut down and that she has only a few days remaining. That said, no one knows for sure.

Dwanda came in from Houston today and arrived just before lunch. Mom opened her eyes and appeared to be trying to say something. Dwanda and I think she recognized Dwanda and acknowledged that she was here. Otherwise there were few instances when she seemed to be trying to communicate or that she was responding to our efforts to communicate with her.

Today is another of the down side of Mom’s ups and downs. She was quiet, somewhat restless, and easily out of breath.

However, when I told her that Jean had called and Jean and Cathy were coming, she had a little smile. When they actually arrived, Mom had a really nice smile and was able to talk with them some and seemed to be glad they had come. Here are some pictures:

Jean’s and Cathy’s visit was definitely the high point of Mom’s day. Lucinda and I enjoyed their visit also.

Today, Mom is very quiet and gives only head nods or shakes to questions, but she is understanding and responding appropriately. The Hospice nurse came today and will be coming twice a week initially. Mom’s wheelchair came today also. It was ordered by Hospice and appropriately the wheelchair is a monthly rental, but the foot rests were purchased. Hospice has requested a health aide to come three times a week for bathing and other needs. The Hospice nurse told me she hoped they will be able to take over much of the primary caregiver role and allow me to go back to being primarily the son.  I feel comfortable with their plan and their advice and I kind of like the idea of being more in the role of son.  However, I will get frequent reports and be involved in decisions about Mom’s care, and I’ll still visit often to see for myself how things are going.

It would be nice to have a warmer, sunny day to take Mom outside in her wheelchair.  She is really uncomfortable when she needs to stand up, but otherwise does not appear to be in pain, just weak.

Today, Mom is maybe a little more alert than yesterday. She is still eating only a bite or a sip of something at meals and not much at other times. Sometimes she barely answers questions with yes or no, and other times she follows the conversation pretty well and even commented as I was putting on my coat, “That looks like a warm coat.” She still sleeps a lot and can be hard to wake up. She has answered the phone only one of the many times I have tried calling in the past 3 to 4 weeks. If someone leaves a message, we listen together when I’m there. Friday and Saturday she seemed more alert and we made a few calls to immediate family. They were not easy conversations for those on the other end, but she seemed pleased to have talked with them. Since then, she has not seemed up to talking on the phone at all. She is being pushed in her walker to the dining hall and back.

In my opinion, she is not doing as well as she was before Christmas, even on her best days. We are thankful for the days when she is a little more alert.

My visits for the last three days have been some of the best conversations with Mom I’ve had since Christmas. She responds appropriately to almost everything I say including some complete sentences and a few unprompted observations. Yesterday, she was willing to talk to Calvin on the phone, but thought she would wait until another time to make another call. Today, she was more tired and was falling asleep. Reports from friends and staff are that she is eating very little at meals. We’ll keep monitoring.

Wildlife update: After seeing 5 deer in the back yared on Sunday, I spotted 2 gray foxes that came across the street and into the back yard again near lunch time. I thought I was taking a picture, but the camera was on video and it is not going to show much detail. I watched the foxes briefly as they looked around for a way to go and watched one of them as it climbed over the fence. It sure seems strange, but pretty cool to see this much and variety of wildlife in our back yard.

Today is the first time in at least two weeks that I’ve had such a good conversation with Mom. When I got there, she was still in the dining room. I could not see evidence that she had eaten very much, maybe one bite of toast was missing. Sausage and eggs appeared to have been barely touched if at all. I got her to take another sip of coffee and she was ready to go back to her room. I asked if she wanted to try walking part of the way or if she needed a push. She said, “I think I’ll take a push.  Back in her room she was unsteady standing up and getting into her chair.

She smiled and looked pleasant, didn’t fall asleep on me, and generally seemed engaged, responding appropriately, often in complete sentences. Asked if she had any ideas about why she had felt so bad, she said, “I think I’m just lazy.” Another time I asked if her roommate was still visiting as much, and she said, “I’m just letting the world go by.”

What the future will be like is still unknown. Was today just an up day or might it be that future days will be like today? Recent days have ranged widely up and down. We hope for more of the good days.

Today, just before lunch, I called Mom and she answered. It wasn’t a long or deep conversation, but that is the first time in more than a week that she has answered my call. That was probably the 5th or 6th time I had tried today. She did answer some yes or no questions and said she was doing ok. When I wished her a good day, she said “Thank you”. While I don’t consider this to be a great or even normal conversation, relatively speaking, I was quite excited to have it. I hope there will be more, especially for the benefit of my siblings.